Why Teen Moms Need Teen Moms

By Hope House Colorado’s Development Associate, Kristina Litreal

When I think back to my life as a 19-year-old mom with a new, beautiful baby girl, I can’t help but think of the extreme feeling of loneliness that came with it. My friends from high school were getting together and going to clubs and college parties without a care in the world. They were making plans on how they might spend the rest of their lives while mine was resting in my arms. Even the ones that I had been very close with didn’t seem to know how to connect anymore. Some tried to stay friends; I remember an invite to dinner at one of my old bestie’s apartments that started with me having to awkwardly breastfeed on her couch and ended abruptly with my crying baby needing to go home and go to bed. Even worse was the comment from her about how it made her realize she “never wanted kids.” Ouch. Other friends almost seemed afraid to hang out with me like having a baby was contagious or something. Some were even cruel like young women can be. When it came down to it our lives were now drastically different; we had different priorities and ways of viewing the world. I knew my daughter deserved the best mom possible, so I had to be the best version of me. I gave up on my old friends and I threw my head into parenting books and tried to learn from older mothers.

The first time I met another teen mom was a moment I’ll never forget. My husband and I saw one of his old friends from elementary school one day and it turned out he and his girlfriend had a little boy a year older than my daughter. We invited them over for a game night and it was awesome… the kids were toddlers and they played so well together! I remember her son playing hide-and-seek under a laundry hamper in the center of the living room and my daughter giggling every time she lifted it up and “found him”! The four of us watched from the dining table as we played cards and laughed about how adorable they were together! I was so happy to have a couple our age that had the same priorities and cares. Little did I know this mama would be my lifelong friend. Crystal and I came from similar backgrounds; we grew up in generational poverty, with parents with addictions that left us feeling abandoned and heartbroken. We both found direction and purpose in being young mothers. We found our motivation and drive from wanting to change the trajectory of our children’s lives. We connected deeply from this shared experience, and we raised our children alongside each other. Crystal and I empowered and encouraged each other when things were hard. We both knew and understood the financial hardships, relationship struggles and parenting heartaches. We could speak openly about other women’s judgments that weighed on us, the people who saw us as unfit mothers just because we were young. We shared moments of dirty looks and rude comments from women in grocery stores and understood how the “other moms” at school avoided us like the plague. Having Crystal as a friend made me realize I was not alone on this journey. We shared accomplishments and milestones and loved each other’s children dearly. Fast forward to 2024 and our oldest kids are the age we were when we met; and as they learn how to be adults themselves, we still navigate that together. Our youngest children are now teenagers and still good friends. We have lived life beside each other and have had each other’s back for all the highs and lows. I am so grateful to have had someone like Crystal that truly knows and understands me like she does.

I made other mom friends too. I was brave and joined a MOPS (now Mom Co.) group after I had my second baby. I remember walking into a room full of women who seemed to have it all together. They looked like moms, with designer purses and their kids perfectly dressed and well-behaved. I had it in my mind that I would never fit in with them. However, they welcomed me with love and compassion. I did not feel judged; they let me know that I was in a safe place where moms just want to encourage other moms. We bonded over real talk about how each mom struggled in their own way and we laughed about the funny or embarrassing things our little ones did and said. They were genuine and honest with me, and I realized all moms don’t totally have it together. And that is okay, we are all just humans trying our best. I joined leadership at MOPS and learned so much from these other moms. I made lasting friendships that have lasted the last 16 years! No one is as good of a friend to a mom as another mom.

If you are a young mom, please be encouraged that you are not alone. I hope my journey from loneliness to true friendship helps you feel bold enough to step out of your comfort zone and try to make new friends. There are 250 other young moms that come to Hope House every year! Be brave! Find a friend to relate to and enjoy life with. We are not meant to go through this life lonely, we need other moms. You deserve someone to speak openly with about your struggles and hope and dreams. Hope House understands the need that teen moms have for friendship, so we create opportunities to cultivate friendships. We plan “Mom Fun” events where the kids are cared for in the Early Learning & School Age Program and moms get to enjoy a fun activity together. We have field trips to the zoo, parks and museums together with moms and their little ones. We have a new Teen MomCo group where we get to sit down and enjoy lunch together while the kids learn and play together. We have speakers that help us become better mothers and crafts that we get to do together without a baby on our lap. We talk about being moms and share our ideas and it’s the perfect opportunity to get to know another mom one on one. It’s so fun, and our hope is that each mom makes lasting friendships from this group! Come join us!